The FBI was getting too close and I was forced to deal with them.  You can see the results of my labors in my newest video.

I hated killing everyone (and whoever else was caught in my blast).  Weeks ago, I couldn’t possibly have done something like this.  Now, it feels like second nature to me.  I don’t feel the pangs of guilt or sorrow that would have shredded my soul before “The Change.”

My experience with explosives was almost non-existent before, but mother internet has many a bounty if you know where to look.

I was lucky when I saw that escaping agent.  He was still alive when I removed his arm and escaped.  The papers said that he died at the scene, but I have no idea if he was able to talk to anyone before expiring.  The have my face already, not a lot more he can add.

X

The Box 3

I’ve just found more rumors that there may be more than one of these boxes or “Enigma Boxes” as they are called.  There seems to be collectors of these things out on the net with descriptions of their findings.  Great-grandfather must have been a very busy man.

Aside from the surgical instruments, the box contains sealed letters, bottles of “stuff,” tablets, and more.  I haven’t given everything a good examine since the “splash” incident.  I’m going to give the contents a more through inspection this week.

Sample vial #3

All of the contents of the box have been stained or water-damaged (I hope by water) at some point.  This vial is still readable as “Ectoplasm specimen #3 – 1931.”

I can only surmise that there may be other boxes in other locations as the first two specimens are not present in the box.  That weirds me out quite a bit considering other pandorian surprises await out there.

This vial seal appears to be intact, but I’m still wary.  This “ectoplasm” appears to be pretty substantial and gooey after all these years.  I have no idea how or where great-grandfather got a sample of it.

Pretty gross.

More pages from the Book of Tears

This is a double page spread that I can actually read.  I’ll get to the photo in a minute.

The handwritten  statement on the pages appears to be one big sentence. It is a very long, dark, and distasteful sentence.

“The last of the family died when the dreams ended and they all believed the wings had fallen off the angels and God’s love had died over the course of a short time yes a short time but he or they understood that only blood would again revive the dreams and the black could only be expected to damn the filthy souls of the damned family only first he must cleanse them with the purity of the blade and destroy the corruption that is their whore-like bodies and an offense to Gods how many gods?”

This book is just fucked up.

The picture is that of five people with the faces of four burned out.  The fifth is a seated man with his tongue hanging from his mouth.  I don’t know what this means, but it is disturbing as hell and the book is filled with this stuff.

Pages from the Book of Tears

Most of the pages from the Book of Tears have been destroyed by water damage, been burned or torn out, or are just undecipherable.   I don’t know if great-grandfather was writing in a dead language, one he made up, or just had shitty penmanship.  I know that I can make out the notes written in red and they’re crazy as a shithouse rat.

I’ll publish what ramblings I can make out in a posting soon.

The box 2

I’ve been working on deciphering my great-grandfather’s diary from inside the box.  It has been pretty rough going.  It can’t tell what language most of it is written in, but I can read most of great-grandpa”s notes.

Well, maybe not being able to read them would be better.

The box

Great-grandfather's Pandora's Box

I was really hoping I’d find a lost cashbox or a hoard of my old comics, but I found the box in mom’s attic instead.  This is the story of my life. Instead of finding something valuable, I find something that punches my ticket.  Sigh.

Weirdly, the paper wrapped box was the only thing up there.  I admit I got a little chill down my back when my flashlight first hit it.  The paper around it was marked with a postage as, it seems, great-grandfather mailed it to mom for many years ago.

Chills?  I sound like a jackass saying something like that.

I was pretty excited when I saw his name on the package.  Great-grandfather was a bit of a legend around around here and gossiping about him at family gatherings was a long cherished sport.  No one can say what happened to him as he vanished around 1943.

I miss her

I’ve already explained about my mom’s death, but I’m still having a hard time with it. I know, everyone does.  I wish I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own life that I missed hers. She was always there for me.

I need her so much right now. God, I need her.  Yeah, I know I’m being selfish. One gets selfish when they’re losing everything.

I want my mom.

-end-

The beginning

By now you’ve seen the video, so I don’t think we need to rehash beyond the fact that there is something terribly wrong with me.
I’m hoping to use this blog to understand and learn about what changes are occurring in me.

There has to be a way to fix this.

There must be a way.